My youngest son (17) came home from the movies last week looking a bit green. He walked in, shuddering. I asked him what was wrong, and he said, "That was the scariest thing I've ever seen in a movie." I asked him, "What?" because this kid is typically unfazed by anything in the horror genre. "Naked old people," he said. Off my look, "Something's Gotta Give. Naked old people. Uhhhhgggg." (another shudder) I laughed, then thought about Jack Nicholson's age and said, "Jack Nicholson's not that old, really. He's a couple of years older than your grandfather." I could see Jake calculate that this might mean his grandfather actually got naked occasionally and he recoiled, with, "Oh, MOM! That's just wrong. You didn't have to tell me that." And he hurried away as I cracked up laughing.
A few weeks before that, Carl and I had shopped for some tools; I wanted to do a little bit of remodeling and every time I want to do something, the things I need are always gone on one of our construction jobs. The plan was to buy me a couple of small hand tools, but they were having a sale and Carl gets really fired up over sales on tools, particularly if I want one, and I did fall in love with this nifty little air compressor and finish nail gun. Before I knew it, he'd put the set in the basket and away we went. (And I got a very nice commercial grade battery-powered drill.)
So I had the tools out in the kitchen when Luke (21) came home from college, and Luke looked over the tools with a level of lust and envy especially reserved for power tools, and he thought at first they were for Carl. Then I said nope, they were for me, and he frowned with annoyance and said, "How come Dad always gets YOU all the cool tools?" to which I replied without thinking, "Because I have sex with him."
I swear, I thought Luke was going to swallow the nail gun, his mouth dropped open so wide. And it's not that we aren't open about loving each other and, you know, having sex. I think the boys pretend we're in there playing cards or something. Luke turned about fourteen shades of red, put the nail gun down and said, "You really didn't have to say that. In fact, as long as I live, really, don't say that again."
Am I evil if I admit I wanted to try to work in the word "sex" in every sentence the rest of the night just to watch him feel mortified? It cracks me up that these two boys are so conservative about this, even though we have a normal family and Carl and I are easily affectionate (without grossness, truly).
Of course, a few weeks ago, my dad asked me something about sex and I think I sort of froze there, with my little brain cells skittering around looking for a place to hide, because in my entire life, I don't think my dad has said the word "sex" in my presence. I'm not entirely sure what I answered, either.
What goes around...
Posted by toni at February 7, 2004 01:54 AM