electric mist

sandpaper: the miracle cure

There are a few things that, as a parent, you never really expect to hear from your kids. I'm thinking, "Hey, Mom? Can you come outside to the shop and run the belt-sander over my elbow?" would be one of them.

I'm not even sure I can explain this one.

Jake is 17, a senior, and a wrestler. This is his last year and the state tournament is this weekend (starting Friday); it will be the last time he wrestles. Jake missed wrestling in the state tournament last year due to a technicality (a grade turned in was the wrong grade, but they wouldn't change it in time to the correct grade he'd earned to allow him to qualify for state. Don't even get me started on their pissiness.) Last year he was seeded sixth or so, but he stood a decent chance to win state because he'd beaten the first and second seed already. (The seeds -- or order -- are determined by number of matches and wins and losses -- not who you've beaten. Jake didn't have as many matches as some of the other boys, so he was automatically seeded lower even though he'd beaten the higher-ups.)

This year, he was seeded third, which thrilled him. And then -- the glitch happened.

There is always a glitch.

Jake discovered he had ringworm on his elbow. Ringworm is a fungus, not an actual worm (both of which are gross, but hey, fungus isn't quite as). We took him immediately to the doctor on Tuesday because if a kid has ringworm, they are not allowed to wrestle. (Oh -- and you know, to get him cured. Because ringworm is very catchy.) The doctor gave him a prescription cream and told him that in five days, the ringworm would be considered dead and therefore not contagious and he could wrestle.

The tournament was in three days. Minor problem.

The boy who had spread the ringworm is his best friend, Dan. Whose dad is a doctor. Who told Jake that he could kill the ringworm faster by putting a small cotton ball of Clorox on the ringworm, tape a band aid over it and keep it on over-night. It would kill the ringworm and he would be able to wrestle.

To wrestle, they have to pass a "skin" test -- a medical doctor looks them over and decides for himself if someone is contagious or not.

When Jake put the Clorox on the spots? Major pain. Burning of the area. I couldn't believe that a kid who would gripe about a mild stomach ache would willingly burn his arm in order to qualify. But then, he is 17 and I have given up on 17 making sense. By morning, the spots looked awful -- the skin was burned (like an abrasion or a scrape that has scabbed over) and yet, we could still see the ringworm outline.

That's when he had the bright idea: sand his arm to look like he'd fallen onto concrete and no one would be the wiser. Hence the question to me to go sand his elbow.

I did refuse.

Carl, however, could not pass up the opportunity -- this was the kid, after all, who had driven Carl nuts over the last few days by being extremely difficult to wake up in the mornings and a royal pain on a few other occasions. I couldn't believe they were going to do this, but they were. And they did.

It didn't really look like much -- they concluded that it wasn't working well enough to be worth the pain. It did scratch up his arm a bit around the Clorox-induced abrasions, but that's about it.

The coach looked at it and thought he saw three more spots of ringworm popping up in the scraped area, so Jake pretty much gave up hope then of getting to wrestle.

The skin test was at 7 this evening. About 7:30 Jake called, whooping into the telephone, "I made it! I made it! I'm going to wrestle!"

Apparently, the doctor took one look at the abrasions and said, "Good grief, son, did you fall off a bike or something?" to which Jake replied, "Something like that." And the doctor said, "Wow, that must've hurt. Okay, you look clear. You're good to go."

Can you believe that? Sandpaper, the miracle cure.

You know, I bet stuff like this just does not happen up north. Or anywhere you know, actually civilized.

Posted by toni at February 12, 2004 02:08 AM