I was trying to do a good thing. It has backfired. I feel like I'm going to have to kick a three-legged puppy. I am going to hell.
This was a long, rambling entry about how someone asked me to read something, how he's in a wheelchair, suffering from cerebral palsy, unable to communicate verbally and how he wrote to ask if I would read his "novel"... and how badly written it turned out to be. (Let me 'splain. No, too much. Let me sum up.)
We communicate through e-mail, but he does show up at my door with notes taped to him. (I'm not sure who does the notes or the taping.) I thought my advice (in e-mail) (very carefully worded to not knock him down, to be encouraging without lying outright and saying it was good when it was dreadful) and all of the links I provided him for him to keep learning the craft if he wanted to apply himself would work. But it hasn't. He's shown back up at my house (two hours later) asking me to read it again, since he has now "finished" it -- even after I wrote him a second time, going into more detail about how much work he had to do, why so many of us writers have heard that sort of thing, how we all hate having to keep working to polish, to learn, to rewrite, to polish some more... he's back. I went to the trouble to explain how hard the business is, how cruel, how tough to break in, and how to break in, once he's done the work. I'm going to have to very firmly stop him, because he's not doing the research I gave him, he keeps showing up here, and I have scads of work to do. It always startles the crap out of me when he just shows up at the back door (because he's in a wheelchair and can't ring the doorbell, so he just waits by the living room window until I can see him.)
I feel evil, though. Like I'm kicking a blind, three-legged puppy for pure meanness. I hate this.
Posted by toni at August 6, 2004 08:35 PMThis is a difficult situation, Toni, I know. I often come across it teaching. There is a Buddhist expression “idiot compassion” where it would be seeing and responding only to his handicap, which is a benefit ultimately to no one. I think you could look at it as an act of “intelligent compassion” to set boundaries here. If a three-legged puppy comes into your house (or stands at your back door) and pees on your carpet (or door), you would know that he has to be told it is not the place to do that. Even a three-legged puppy needs to know where to do his business.
Posted by: Leya at August 8, 2004 05:51 AMThanks, Leya... I think you're right. It just sucks to have to be the one to be so firm when I know he's already had so many people push him away in life.
Posted by: toni at August 8, 2004 12:07 PMHaving a 3 legged puppy brother, I love what you've already done for this man. Is it possible to take a little more time to break down into chunks, a, b, c, etc. what you've set him to do and tell him not to come back until "a" is finished, then "b" and so on? I know you've given up so much of your time already but I think the message will get through. Do you belong to a local writers' group? Are there a few other sympathetic people in that group with whom you could share the task? I've known situations with my brother where he's jumped head first into a situation and it takes a while for him to realise his limitations, to take things a little more slowly. It's a child-like belief that if he wants something, he can do it. Then again, you have the new business on the horizon and I so want for you to finish your own work and there are (dammit) only 24 hours in any one day!
Posted by: Daisy at August 9, 2004 12:59 PMI know what you mean, Daisy -- I did break it down for him, though. Read all of the columns on a certain site first, then write me back if he had any questions and I would answer them and give him the next thing to do. But he wrote back in two hours that he had rewritten the story already and it was done and he started getting angry when I wouldn't make it into a movie (which I did explain to him how that worked and that I couldn't in any way make a movie... one along the expense of a Harry Potter). I think he's still angry at me, but I'm going to try to get in touch with his mom and see if she knows about his aspirations and get her to read my e-mails and maybe help direct him a little. I am relieved, though, to see your comments because now I know it's not just me, that this really is a symptom of all of the disabilities he's already facing.
Posted by: toni at August 9, 2004 02:33 PMGetting in touch with his mother is definitely a good idea, I do hope that it works out. I'm wondering that he thinks that because you work from home you have all this spare time - hah!
Many years ago my brother came home from a church meeting and announced over supper that he had been made secretary of a church group (I think it might have been the St Vincent de Paul). Anyway, my father gently tried to explain that this would involve writing reports and accounts (which he *is* capable of but it takes him much longer than most) and ended up by pointing out that he would have to stand up and present these reports to the other group members (thinking that his shyness would make him rethink the offer).
Oh no, said my brother, with a big smile and a reassuring shrug, that's okay, I'll be able to sit down to do that.