November 24, 2004
only at my house...
Sometimes, you answer the door, and there are people there. And sometimes, you go to the back door because you simply need to walk outside and get something, and everything is quite normal and fine. But if you live in my house, you will go to the back door, minding your own business, la la la, all is well with the world, and when you open the door, two... not one because that would be too easy, but two stray black dogs will come barrelling into your home with a frenzy that most evangelists would envy. And they will be so grateful to have finally found someone and so excited to have finally been allowed inside somewhere that they will run in circles, many many many circles, and you will curse the fact that it is a perfect circle going from your living room to your kitchen to your office and back to the living room, and they will suddenly discover your cat, who has never really seen any other dog than her own friendly housemate who has the energy of a snail, and said cat will climb down off her normal perch on your desk because she is a stupid, curious cat, and then you will stand there in complete and total shock at the lightning speed with which said cat will run in that same circle with two extremely excited stray dogs chasing after her and part of you knows you really have to catch them and the evil part of you notes it's the most exercise the cat has had all year, but you really absolutely must somehow tackle at least one of the dogs and try to read its collar. Which you will eventually do, although you have now taken out a couple of lamps, a sidetable, a few plants and various little niceties and when you finally tackle the dog (which smells a touch more like sweaty dog than you'd prefer) and call the owners, you will sound like you've been running a marathon and they will almost hang up on you because you're scaring them.
They will also think you're on crack because they just saw their dogs an hour or so ago and those dogs don't know how to get out of the fence. But they will start to believe you when they hear their pets barking at the poor (and now exhausted) cat in the background, who has taken to hiding behind an armoire.
When they finally get to your house and you open the door, they are so worried you're about to sue them for their dogs, they keep making you repeat that no, you won't sue, all you want is for them to take the little dynamos home.
And when they're gone (and you've febreezed the whole damned house) you make a mental note to turn on the outside light from now on, because at least it was two friendly puppies and not one of the neighborhood racoons living in the creek in the back of the house or one of the skunks we've smelled from time to time.
It's not your traditional way to get your exercise, but it'll do.
Posted by toni at November 24, 2004 11:22 PM
Hilarious! At least it made for a great blog entry, no?
How greatto meet a fellow writer, or should that be fellowette?!
why not just join them ?
don't you remember ? when you can't beat them, join 'em!
I often find that the least traditional ways of doing things (often thrust upon us, rather than chosen) provide top-notch fodder for excellent writing. This entry confirms that.
Great piece. Thanks for posting it.
LOL. So much for needing to "work off" that extra helping of T-day food! Has the cat recovered yet? ;)
Two happy puppies? Awww. I would have kept them. :>
You do realize that if the cat had reasoning capabilities and could understand actions/reactions, it would understand that you let the dogs in the house and it's following terrorizing would ensure that you would be sleeping with one eye open for a month!
Right now I have a female that is torturing all 4 of my males. She gets into this one particular window well (the window is in the basement just below ground level) and lays like a cheap hooker against the glass. It's a wind break for her so she stays warm. She sleeps. Grooms. Makes a nuisence of herself. The furry little trollop!
I have 4 male cats with tongues hanging out of their mouths, each one puffing up his tail to impress her. Typical men. They think the one with the biggest poofy-do will garner them affection.
Thank god all of them have been sliced and diced.
Here's to praying your pussy won't need therapy.
That came out wrong......
I'm shuttin up now.
*wanders off scratching her head*
Well, it took the cat a couple of hours to finally come out from behind the armoire, and even then, she was still ticked at me. She walked past me and glared, as if to say, "You just wait... I know where you sleep..." But man, I still wish I'd had a video camera on her during that chase.
Thanks for stopping by my Blog and adding those kind words. You are genuinely funny, and obviously, a dedicated cat lover. Our cat passed away two years ago. Actually that sounds too serene; he was mowed over by a German aspiring to be a Formula 1 driver. I miss him. We were kindred spirits, but he was also stupid. I practically had to throw him on the mice that he brought into our house.
You had me laughing, but I find that troubling because now I have to view you as competition for Dave Barry’s job. Just give up now…I don’t want us to become the writer’s version of Mozart and Salieri.
lol! we had a somewhat similar situation.. or at least it involved a dog. we heard barking at our door, so we went to see what it was, and it was a puppy. he was trying to get in, and we eventually figured out it belonged to some family that they neighbors had over, but he was cute and friendly, and even though i'm not a dog person, if the cats would've been okay with it, i totally would've kept him :) hehe
Hahahahahaha. It's been a while since I've laughed so loudly at a blog entry. Thanks...I needed that. :)
That's crazy. I once had to catch two chickens in my backyard before they became breakfast for my hoard of cats made them breakfast. I live in Suburbia where chickens should only be in the freezer, so I was a bit perturbed.