Dear Santa:
I was relatively good this year, okay? I should get extra points for all of the times the very large males who live here let the dog eat grass outside even when they know it makes her sick and then they walk over or past the doggie puke, gagging and acting like they're going to pass out if they have to even look at it, much less clean it up and leave it for me to do. Extra points there, bud. When that purple stain showed up on the new sofa, I didn't kill or maim anyone. I didn't even yell. I get bonus points for not yelling, right? When the back bumper of my car mysteriously had new scratches in it, I was practically Zen. My head didn't spin around even once. Okay, I know I wanted to kick things, and I know those things were technically alive and maybe it was even one of the critters I gave birth to, but I didn't actually do it, you know, so that counts as good. (Um, I don't get points off for language, do I?)
So, Santa. Here's what I want for Christmas:
1) To be taller. Just a little taller would do, I'm not greedy, I'm not expecting a whole six inches taller which would make me willowy and lean instead of... well, not. Because I'm really tired of having to find the step stool just to reach the middle shelf. And that top shelf is mocking me. I can hear it. You could shave a few inches off Shaq. He's not using them and really, who would notice?
2) I want to understand the laws of physics and relativity that explain how one boy can enter a clean house and walk through for five minutes only and when he leaves, six rooms are completely cluttered.
3) I want to understand how he got the peanut butter on the ceiling fan. Seriously. He was here five minutes. Five.
4) If the above is too much trouble, think chocolate.
5) No, really. Chocolate.
It takes your five whole minutes? My youngest can do it in two.
Watch your wallet and car keys, too. Doesn't matter he's too short to drive. he thinks it's funny.
;)
-G
Posted by: Garrison Steelle at December 12, 2004 03:14 PM