electric mist

some things you just don't want to know

My husband came into the bedroom early this morning when my alarm went off. (As usual, he'd gotten up a couple of hours before me and let me sleep in.) I could instantly smell the wonderful, rich aroma of shrimp and corn soup, one of my favorites. But he looked a little... orange. I rubbed my eyes, squinting (I wear contacts), trying to focus on his blurry form and decide just why he looked so... yeah, orange... and he said, "Um. You're not going to be going into the kitchen any time soon, right?" Usually I'm already groggily stumbling towards the refrigerator to get that first diet Coke of the day to start trying to put consonants and vowels together. "Because it's a little messy, and I didn't want it to scare you."

Now those are words you want to wake up to on a Sunday morning.

"Are you... covered in carrots?"

"Um, maybe. How well can you see?"

"I see shredded carrots all over your shirt."

"Oh. Yeah. Well. I decided to make a double batch of the soup, you know, so we could freeze some, and wrap some up for Christmas presents (which I would have interrupted to find out just how in the hell did he think he was going to do that, but he's scary in that he probably would have had some sort of idea, but he kept talking)... and so I needed more shredded carrots for the soup. And the food processor and I had a little struggle. There was this mound of carrot parts that wouldn't come out and I didn't realize they weren't coming out because there were already a bunch of them in the bowl and the processor was sort of shooting them over the bowl and over the island and I was holding my hand over there to keep it from shooting them too far and the next thing I know, a bunch of the carrots I was shoving in with the other hand had gone in, but they hadn't come out and it turns out that if you put in way more than what's coming out, good things do not happen. It also turns out that if carrots stay in a processor too long while it's going that you get carrot juice. And I was sticking my fingers in the one end thinking I'd nudge the wad of shredded carrots stuck in there on out, and I realized that was sort of stupid, because hey, food processor, and the next thing I know, it sort of exploded. I've cleaned up a bunch of it, but I'm not really finished. So don't come in the kitchen for a little while, okay?"

And that, folks, is when you say, "Okay," and quit asking questions. Because I saw a lot of green on that shirt and really, I didn't want to know.