electric mist

New Year's resolutions I know I will keep.

I never really bother with New Year's resolutions. For one thing, I tend to forget whatever it was that I resolved by the second or third week of January, which makes adhering to them a little difficult. And honestly, I don't believe in making a bunch of resolutions of difficult things to do all at once, because if they're difficult enough so that I'm having to make a big fat honking resolution for it at the first of the year, then odds are, I'm not likely to do it anyway -- especially if there's more than one. But there's all this pressure at the beginning of the year to make resolutions, like you're not a good person if you don't have them (or you're shallow, because you think you don't need improvement) and why the hell do we do that to ourselves anyway? Do we really want to start off a new year with a buttload of guilt and a side-order of dread? No. No we do not.

So, keeping that in mind, I decided to make a New Year's resolution list I know I will keep so I don't have to worry about them, don't have to feel guilty because I'm not all that likely to break them, and I will have bragging rights even by July when the everyone else will be hiding their list. Feel free to use and adapt to your needs.

I hereby resolve to:

1) breathe. This is a handy little resolution I'm pretty sure I can keep, except when my head is spinning around in fury. (Given that this is when my husband usually reminds me to breathe, apparently there are some moments where it is remotely possible I might break this rule.) I especially like this one and feel it is my greatest candidate for "Most Likely To Keep."

2) eat. Whatever the hell I want. This is probably my second favorite category, although the third one competes heavily.

3) sleep. Especially naps. Long naps. Long naps where the phone is turned off. I'm liking this one better and better.

4) love my family except when they're being really stupid and I'd rather smack them. This may possibly be self-explanatory. (See note on #1.)

5) chocolate. If it enters my house, it is mine. If the kids don't get it out of their stockings and inadvertently leave their stockings here overnight, the chocolate will migrate to my room. All by itself. Magically. I don't know how this happens or why, but I accept that it does and that this means it is mine to eat whenever I damned well want to.

6) have convenient lapses of memory. (See #5.)

7) procrastinate. I feel this particular resolution gets short shrift at the first of every year because so many people make resolutions about being all industrious and shit when WHO ARE THEY KIDDING? My particular method of procrastinating is farting around on the computer. So far this year, I'm doing extremely well.

8) I think napping needs a second entry. Just because.

9) buy more shoes. (Feel free to substitute "tools" or "computers" or "gadgets" or "clothes" or "toothpicks" or whatever you like. This is an equal opportunity vice.)

10) write, read, talk to friends, e-mail, watch movies, HAVE FUN, do whatever it is I feel like doing to fill in the time between all of the above resolutions. Which may only be five or so minutes a day, between the napping and the procrastinating and the chocolate. In fact, I think the have fun part of this entry is going to be the most important of all. Because what the hell is the point of living if we aren't having some fun?

Well, I think I can keep that list. It might be a bit rough fitting in the napping and the procrastinating all in the same day every day, but it's worth a shot, and I will give it my best effort.

Posted by toni at January 1, 2006 12:49 PM